Each mark if I inside the subway reads, gives it a constant thought, which means head distributed. " Shit, I hope a hot Küken, which me." near; sits; For a thing sitting is near a girl on the subway generally I comes to the Intimität with a woman in these days the following. Well 9mal from 10 believes, which I receive a large nose, I, thinly. But not today, was today my happy day.
Not two however three do not be called Mrs. Samstag over approximately me in the subway. Holy shit, I believed like a Latino beating of the heart, which oozes with this Machismo.
The first girl, the view contact with me and Sat then close. It was definite in me. Them were totally my art. thin, young, black hair, slat skin, glasses, Plaidhosen Dorky.
The second girl Saturday between me and mine the new friend drive immediately a wedge between us. Them were totally my art. thin, young, blond hair, little demand, kind of high maintenance of the girl.
The third girl near me Saturday, was " it well as; described; Hot Tamale". Them were totally my art. thin, young, latin, black hair, low CUT shirt.
Now considered I began not immediately and the three girls, I, became its first to the credit sex, my first thought was: " Well, I like Oh not a monster so much that women not near me." sit; I must all small victories in my life, which I can do.
My careful consideration was naturally " O.k., these three nice girls that I sex with." would have; But in my head, I can accept not straight that I have sex with only one of them, I can not directly my head regard, around it directly on the TTC head offices, not the interest to throw over, as uncomfortable that the red seats of the Fäserchen TTC at the knee are used (to think her simply of it, it' dbe itching as hell!). I do not have the film script of, why these three Mrs., foreigner would bend to have sex with me. My understanding leans off to say, my penis that a woman did not only become to wish me attraction to me and, for reasons with me, but for any reason she this to do, calls it a more distant motive, if you wish. Sometimes it' s, because I have much money, sometimes it' s the girl I' Friend kidnapped VE and if they see at all their friend again, necessity would like mouthify my Wang, while sometimes I laugh and, although very rare, then it, because the girl really loves me (Haha, straight joking, over. last).
Anyway today the best film script, which I could swear to above at short notice that all these girls my Viennese small sausage referred (except the Dorky girl really wished the Fostar (that' s my name for my penis, by the way)) if that, the one bad Nazi time journeys, was Barbarossa wanted the special subway car to kidnap I and my ladies and me regarding the Propagate select new running superNazi of the superman designated (in my defense, I have blond hair and blue eyes, so I' m generally the prototypical man) naturally, I would like to have not sex with this girl (well, is I, but my case with these layers to thinking nuance, which, although I wish, I surprising wish, that under these circumstances), but, if I were not the bad Naziclobber it or something, know I, never did not ask I or was interested over into my fantasy, me think that I was secretly pro Nazi -. But I' M-Safe, to say that the girl " Do not ensure, you enjoy yourselves it too." And then I became blinzeln and grinsen. It is at this point the girl became back urge, at this in really realised moment, which had found a terrible situation it. Even in my fantasies I' m one condemns expansion and I tries my fantasies, which are grounded with a note of the reality. But like all good things, came my subway Romance to an end to the Spadina station. I have view contact with the Dorky girl one last mark, as I left a car, I hope that they would blurt out out their names, or MSN Blackberry pin is also activated, while I am not in the subway car something to say sit. Somehow it had the will to resist to must it a friend or a something have, and he is I estimates cool. Well for it seriously I' m happy.
So at this point you' ll it is surprised probably, in order to know that I have on this level of patheticness (well, I' m sure something of you know already). To things into correct perspective for you, an illustration of three girls, those really probably set with the work or at the school are now, those with one Mid afternoonimbiß or for a SMS with their friend on the old ' is happy; iPhone, completely notionless of the fact those the 6' 0, 220 Pound of the Dimwit, which seems, to be a breathing problem which they sat near this morning, a straight note of its understanding it bumsend. Poor girl.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Top 5 Random Things On My Mind
1) One of the most common occurrences in my day-to-day life is someone will say "Logan?" I will turn around, flash a grin and say "Sorry mate, but no, I am not popular comic book character Wolverine."
All I can do is shake my head and laugh heartily, y'see, I am often mistaken for Wolverine (he is the one with the claws). You may have thought about me shortly after watching one of Wolverine's 4 big screen outings and thought to yourself "My goodness, does the Wolverine walk amongst us?" I'm not saying you phrased it exactly like that, but something along those lines? Fucking definitely.
I just want to take a moment and clarify I am not Wolverine.
Admittedly, the comic book hero and I do have a lot in common, despite having a couple of key differences. We are both Canadian, we are both men, we both have balls of steel, we both first appeared in The Incredible Hulk issue 181, we have both romanced women who later faked their own deaths as part of an elaborate covert government initiative to steal our powers and use them for their own gain. (Seriously, ask me about that sometime - it's a doozy)
There are key differences though. I was not born in the 19th century. No, I wasn't. I also never fought in the American Civil War on the side of the north, I was not a doughboy in World War I, I did not storm the shores of Normandy and watch as my brother scaled German entrenchments with the agility of a cat and I did not fight in Veitcong in the Vietnam conflict.
Oh, and I do not have adamantium claws bound to my skeletal structure. Don't be fucking silly.
2) I watched some televisions show I don't ordinarily watch last night. I watched some Gossip Girl, Dancing With the Stars, How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory.
These shows helped me come to an important conclusion: The TV shows I don't watch are fucking horrendous.
Seriously, thank you to the producers, writers and actors of these awful shows for helping me appreciate how great Lost, Supernatural, Party Down and 30 Rock are. And I applaud myself for having such excellent taste in television programming.
Gossip Girl especially seemed embarrassingly bad. I try not to be too much of a film/tv snob these days but seriously, fans of this show have to know it's terrible, right? It's like a guilty pleasure show, amirite?
One thing regarding How I Met Your Mother...So the conceit of the show is that the main character is telling the story to his kid(s) about their mom and him getting together... They are 4 or 5 seasons into this show, at this point wouldn't the kids be like "Dad, seriously, what is with this 50 hour preamble, why are you telling me about girls you hooked up with 4 years before you met mom? What does the gay guy who has been with 200 girls have to do with anything? Dad, is this all a long, convoluted way of telling us we're adopted?"
3) People on Message Boards are retards. So the Transformers 2 trailer comes out, THE SHOT of the trailer is of Megan Fox in tiny shorts, shorts so short they shouldn't even be classified as shorts, perhaps bikini bottoms or simply panties would be a more appropriate description, straddling a motorcycle. Every guy with an ounce of machismo is drooling over this shot. And of course in every message board discussion of this trailer there has to be one cool guy who chimes in "Bah! She's okay at best. Average girl. Homely, really." Fuck off, fucko.
I understand a woman not being your type but to brush her off as average, holy shit, what town do these assholes live in? Most women in movies look nothing like the women I know, Megan Fox looks like she is a member of a different species, a species I like better then the strain of women I got stuck with here in Toronto.
4) People are ninnies, offended way too easily. More and more often lately I will make a racist, sexist, homophobic or religious joke and draw the ire of whoever I am talking to. "Sean, that is seriously not cool." "You can't say that!" "I had no idea you were a racist."
More and more often I find myself in a position of having to arguing that I am not a bad person for chuckling at a mean spirited or "blue" joke.
It particularly frustrates me when people I know very well take offense, I hoped friends of mine would know by now that I have no particular malice toward any one group of people - I am an equal opportunity hater - I just happen to find mean spirited humor particularly funny. It's both a blessing and a curse, but I truly think nothing is off limits when it comes to comedy, nothing is sacred. And I really dislike the notion that because I can find an unpleasant concept funny that I am somehow a bad person or a supporter of some ugly ideology. Go fuck yourself up your politically correct ass. Everybody on this planet is a dumbass worthy of a little ribbing.
I'm reasonably sure you could throw any political ideology at me, any notion or concept about humanity at me, warts and all, and I wouldn't get angry at you for having an idea or opinion. "You like Stephen Harper and I don't, grumble, grumble, grumble!" Shaddup.
Or maybe I just don't care about stuff the way I am supposed to. Either way I would contend that I am the superior person.
Really the only people who can anger me with things that they say are people I know who are trying to get under my skin. For example if an ex-girlfriend were to tell me that she used to fuck other guys while we were going out, that would piss me off. Like if she said "I used to have this guy pull out while he was fucking me and blow his load on my genitals (And I'd be thinking she calls her vagina 'genitals', why?!) and then vigorously rub the remnants into my mound and then come see you immediately after and have you go down on me." I would of course be taken aback by this and say "That seems like a very malicious thing to do to me!" And she says "Fuck you!" and jams her fist threateningly into my face. What I'm trying to say is that I am unable to forge healthy social relationships with women.
That scenario never happened to me by the way, purely fantasy. I meant hypothetically.
5) I am a shitty blog writer.
All I can do is shake my head and laugh heartily, y'see, I am often mistaken for Wolverine (he is the one with the claws). You may have thought about me shortly after watching one of Wolverine's 4 big screen outings and thought to yourself "My goodness, does the Wolverine walk amongst us?" I'm not saying you phrased it exactly like that, but something along those lines? Fucking definitely.
I just want to take a moment and clarify I am not Wolverine.
Admittedly, the comic book hero and I do have a lot in common, despite having a couple of key differences. We are both Canadian, we are both men, we both have balls of steel, we both first appeared in The Incredible Hulk issue 181, we have both romanced women who later faked their own deaths as part of an elaborate covert government initiative to steal our powers and use them for their own gain. (Seriously, ask me about that sometime - it's a doozy)
There are key differences though. I was not born in the 19th century. No, I wasn't. I also never fought in the American Civil War on the side of the north, I was not a doughboy in World War I, I did not storm the shores of Normandy and watch as my brother scaled German entrenchments with the agility of a cat and I did not fight in Veitcong in the Vietnam conflict.
Oh, and I do not have adamantium claws bound to my skeletal structure. Don't be fucking silly.
2) I watched some televisions show I don't ordinarily watch last night. I watched some Gossip Girl, Dancing With the Stars, How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory.
These shows helped me come to an important conclusion: The TV shows I don't watch are fucking horrendous.
Seriously, thank you to the producers, writers and actors of these awful shows for helping me appreciate how great Lost, Supernatural, Party Down and 30 Rock are. And I applaud myself for having such excellent taste in television programming.
Gossip Girl especially seemed embarrassingly bad. I try not to be too much of a film/tv snob these days but seriously, fans of this show have to know it's terrible, right? It's like a guilty pleasure show, amirite?
One thing regarding How I Met Your Mother...So the conceit of the show is that the main character is telling the story to his kid(s) about their mom and him getting together... They are 4 or 5 seasons into this show, at this point wouldn't the kids be like "Dad, seriously, what is with this 50 hour preamble, why are you telling me about girls you hooked up with 4 years before you met mom? What does the gay guy who has been with 200 girls have to do with anything? Dad, is this all a long, convoluted way of telling us we're adopted?"
3) People on Message Boards are retards. So the Transformers 2 trailer comes out, THE SHOT of the trailer is of Megan Fox in tiny shorts, shorts so short they shouldn't even be classified as shorts, perhaps bikini bottoms or simply panties would be a more appropriate description, straddling a motorcycle. Every guy with an ounce of machismo is drooling over this shot. And of course in every message board discussion of this trailer there has to be one cool guy who chimes in "Bah! She's okay at best. Average girl. Homely, really." Fuck off, fucko.
I understand a woman not being your type but to brush her off as average, holy shit, what town do these assholes live in? Most women in movies look nothing like the women I know, Megan Fox looks like she is a member of a different species, a species I like better then the strain of women I got stuck with here in Toronto.
4) People are ninnies, offended way too easily. More and more often lately I will make a racist, sexist, homophobic or religious joke and draw the ire of whoever I am talking to. "Sean, that is seriously not cool." "You can't say that!" "I had no idea you were a racist."
More and more often I find myself in a position of having to arguing that I am not a bad person for chuckling at a mean spirited or "blue" joke.
It particularly frustrates me when people I know very well take offense, I hoped friends of mine would know by now that I have no particular malice toward any one group of people - I am an equal opportunity hater - I just happen to find mean spirited humor particularly funny. It's both a blessing and a curse, but I truly think nothing is off limits when it comes to comedy, nothing is sacred. And I really dislike the notion that because I can find an unpleasant concept funny that I am somehow a bad person or a supporter of some ugly ideology. Go fuck yourself up your politically correct ass. Everybody on this planet is a dumbass worthy of a little ribbing.
I'm reasonably sure you could throw any political ideology at me, any notion or concept about humanity at me, warts and all, and I wouldn't get angry at you for having an idea or opinion. "You like Stephen Harper and I don't, grumble, grumble, grumble!" Shaddup.
Or maybe I just don't care about stuff the way I am supposed to. Either way I would contend that I am the superior person.
Really the only people who can anger me with things that they say are people I know who are trying to get under my skin. For example if an ex-girlfriend were to tell me that she used to fuck other guys while we were going out, that would piss me off. Like if she said "I used to have this guy pull out while he was fucking me and blow his load on my genitals (And I'd be thinking she calls her vagina 'genitals', why?!) and then vigorously rub the remnants into my mound and then come see you immediately after and have you go down on me." I would of course be taken aback by this and say "That seems like a very malicious thing to do to me!" And she says "Fuck you!" and jams her fist threateningly into my face. What I'm trying to say is that I am unable to forge healthy social relationships with women.
That scenario never happened to me by the way, purely fantasy. I meant hypothetically.
5) I am a shitty blog writer.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Today, So Far
First of all, yeah, I haven't posted in awhile. Go screw.
So does today suck or what? Here is a chronological listing of what has annoyed me so far.
(Warning: The following may be extremely banal, proceed with caution!)
1) I wake up at 6:30 after a blissful 5 hours snooze and am immediately annoyed that the very first thing I do is fumble for my iTouch and check who emailed, Twitter'd or Facebook'd be over the course of the night. I have 5 emails and 2 Facebooks. That makes me happy as if that is some sort of litmus test for being a good person.
2) You don't want to know what I did next or who I thought about while doing it (although I will cryptically interject that who I did think about annoyed me) and no there is no correlation between me getting messages on Facebook and doing that though I don't know if I am too far away from doing that.
3) I get ready for work, but oh shit! I forgot to download last night's 24 so I put that in the download queue. But I have a dilemma, I am also downloading BluRay copies of Mission: Impossible III and Superbad (An odd combination, to be sure, but whatevs) I want both those movies to finish as soon as possible but more importantly I MUST be able to watch 24 as soon as I get home from work tonight. How can I maximize my bandwidth to ensure all 3 are finished by the time I get home? I won't bore you with the details, ironically I say that after already having bored you bringing this up in the first place but obviously by the time I was done messing around with that I was already 5 minutes behind schedule.
4) It's raining of course. Oh boy, now I get to carry a soggy umbrella around with me all day. Yahoo!
5) I order an everything bagel with butter and DOUBLE cheddar and of course after paying an extra .60 cents for a second helping of cheddar, I only get one slice. I've already left the establishment though so I have truly been cheated out of .60 cents.
6) The 1 minute walk from the Tim Hortons near my place to the Kipling subway station proves to be perhaps one of the most annoying minutes of my entire life, the wind was trying desperately to force my umbrella from my hand, but I had a firm grip on the thing so the best the wind could accomplish was to blow my umbrella inside out so I looked like a ridiculous idiot the entire walk to the subway station. You win this round, wind! And the enduring effect of this minute is due to the ineffectiveness of an inside out umbrella the back of my pants was pelted with rain and I sit here now an hour later writing this terrible blog post in soggy pants. I feel like I'm in grade 3 and have just wet myself and am too embarrassed to do anything about it.
7) My tea is too hot to drink...and almost too hot to handle. Like me, hahahahahahaha...I should just die.
8) Okay, now I am on the subway, it's easy going from here on out, right? Fuck no! I should at this point say that I usually listen to my iTouch the entire way to work, normally the Opie & Anthony radio show but yesterday they happened to have on "comedian" Bob Kelly, an absolutely horrendous standup comic. Opie and Anthony are funny guys, they have great comedy instincts but it boggles my mind that they have this motherfucker on every couple of weeks, and the worst part is he isn't just a guest for 30 minutes, he sits in for the entire goddamn show and is awful from beginning to end! So, it was me vs. the noise of 100 other fuckers on my particular subway car.
9) My Tea is still way too fucking hot to drink. I take tiny little sips like a little dumbass too afraid to burn his widdle biddy tongue. Aw, poor baby.
10) I have an empty seat next to me, I desperately want a hot girl to sit next to me, vindication!, (See: Previous Blog) and there's one now, yes she sees me! She is coming toward me, oh my god a shadow had just passed over me, has the sun gone nova, what is this? Ugh, no, Christ, Susan Boyle herself sits next to me and immediately makes wheezing like breathing noises, seriously, I've heard burn victims who have an easier time breathing, she sounds like she's taken this opportunity to work on her Darth Vader impression next to me. Shit! The hot girl almost has a wounded look on her face as she sits down in the next available sit, assuredly next to some dope who won't appreciate her sex appeal. Sigh...
11) The fucking Metro. As I said earlier, I was iTouchless so I decided to read the Metro. Surely there will be an interesting story or two in there, right? Of course not, all it did was piss me off. The very first story I read was about idiots from Israel protesting the name "Swine Flu" citing that anything pig related is a very sensitive subject matter to their people. I wonder for a second if I am reading The Onion by mistake....Like, okay, I get it, you have your religious beliefs and I have my (lack of) mine. But the fucking virus comes from Pigs, amirite? It's simply the easiest term to apply to this fucking disease! In the article the guy from Israel recommends they call it "Mexican Virus" instead and immediately redeems himself in my eyes...Let's not offend us based on our fear of bacon but let's definitely piss off 100 million Mexicans.
12) I realize flipping through the Metro that I have so little in common with my fellow man and it depresses me so to really put an exclamation point on how little I have in common with everyone I take out my iTouch and start listening to.....audio extracted from episodes of Battlestar Galactica. I just enjoy listening to the sound design from these episodes. It's an absolutely lame thing to do, I know, but rest assured that I am hopefully the only person on the planet who listens to scenes from movies as audio on his iTouch. Siiiigh.
13) The subway feels very musty cause of every one's soaking wet clothing.
14) I go to the Drugstore before I get to work and they do not have the extra large packages of Real Fruit Gummies. I buy the regular sized pack like a little kid and believe me, I am totally embarressed about it!
15) The DVD case for Bride Wars is pink. Eeeeeuuuccchh.
16) I get to work about 5 minutes late and immediately begin writing this blog while talking to my friends Stacy and Kayla about this blog. Kayla asks if she will be mentioned in the blog so now I can confidently answer, yes. By the way, didn't Kayla go to Mexico recently? Patient Zero for a Toronto Swine flu outbreak, anyone? Swarm, swarm!
17) Jim Norton from the Opie and Anthony show is Twittering about Maury Povich being on the show today and I desperately want to be listening to that now and not my shitty episode from yesterday featuring Bob Kelly.
18) It's almost 10:00 AM, I have 7 hours left in my day at work (which I have spent entirely writing this drivel) and I actually feel like the worst part of my day is over. With any luck my friends with be chattering away with me on IM and the day will go by fast. This actually doesn't annoy me so it shouldn't be on this list, but whatevs. Fuck off.
19) I mentioned a Toronto swine flu outbreak as a possibility during entry 16 of this blog and fucking haaaaaaaate myself for it.
20) Stacy reads the blog at about 10:10 AM and whines like a sodding twerp that she wasn't really mentioned during this blog, even though she most clearly was during entry 16 so to shut her trap up I throw her a bone and add a 20th entry to this blog and put in as many mean spirited references to her as I can (she's a cunt, by the way) so she will read this and laugh. Did it work?
21) Yes, it did. (Which isn't really annoying, but the fact that I edited this blog for a girl is kind of annoying)
22) Coming up with separate Facebook status updates, Twitter tweets and Gmail Chat/MSN Personal messages is a fucking pain in the ass, but just posting about this blog makes it a lot easier. The fucking shit I do for you people!
23) I will spend the rest of the day hoping people message me telling me this blog was halfway decent and will be somewhat hurt (okay, really fucking emo) by people who don't mention how amazingly hilarious I am throughout the day. That is truly the most annoying part of my day and my life in general really, what a needy little cunt I am. And now even when people do say something nice I will question it, "Did they really mean that, or are they saying that because I mentioned it in Entry 23 of my blog? Hmmmm" What a conundrum I have created!
24) I've edited this thing like 7 times since I posted it, jesus.
I'm done, we're all caught up to the present now. The end, I'm punching out, hope you gleened some bit of enjoyment from this post.
So does today suck or what? Here is a chronological listing of what has annoyed me so far.
(Warning: The following may be extremely banal, proceed with caution!)
1) I wake up at 6:30 after a blissful 5 hours snooze and am immediately annoyed that the very first thing I do is fumble for my iTouch and check who emailed, Twitter'd or Facebook'd be over the course of the night. I have 5 emails and 2 Facebooks. That makes me happy as if that is some sort of litmus test for being a good person.
2) You don't want to know what I did next or who I thought about while doing it (although I will cryptically interject that who I did think about annoyed me) and no there is no correlation between me getting messages on Facebook and doing that though I don't know if I am too far away from doing that.
3) I get ready for work, but oh shit! I forgot to download last night's 24 so I put that in the download queue. But I have a dilemma, I am also downloading BluRay copies of Mission: Impossible III and Superbad (An odd combination, to be sure, but whatevs) I want both those movies to finish as soon as possible but more importantly I MUST be able to watch 24 as soon as I get home from work tonight. How can I maximize my bandwidth to ensure all 3 are finished by the time I get home? I won't bore you with the details, ironically I say that after already having bored you bringing this up in the first place but obviously by the time I was done messing around with that I was already 5 minutes behind schedule.
4) It's raining of course. Oh boy, now I get to carry a soggy umbrella around with me all day. Yahoo!
5) I order an everything bagel with butter and DOUBLE cheddar and of course after paying an extra .60 cents for a second helping of cheddar, I only get one slice. I've already left the establishment though so I have truly been cheated out of .60 cents.
6) The 1 minute walk from the Tim Hortons near my place to the Kipling subway station proves to be perhaps one of the most annoying minutes of my entire life, the wind was trying desperately to force my umbrella from my hand, but I had a firm grip on the thing so the best the wind could accomplish was to blow my umbrella inside out so I looked like a ridiculous idiot the entire walk to the subway station. You win this round, wind! And the enduring effect of this minute is due to the ineffectiveness of an inside out umbrella the back of my pants was pelted with rain and I sit here now an hour later writing this terrible blog post in soggy pants. I feel like I'm in grade 3 and have just wet myself and am too embarrassed to do anything about it.
7) My tea is too hot to drink...and almost too hot to handle. Like me, hahahahahahaha...I should just die.
8) Okay, now I am on the subway, it's easy going from here on out, right? Fuck no! I should at this point say that I usually listen to my iTouch the entire way to work, normally the Opie & Anthony radio show but yesterday they happened to have on "comedian" Bob Kelly, an absolutely horrendous standup comic. Opie and Anthony are funny guys, they have great comedy instincts but it boggles my mind that they have this motherfucker on every couple of weeks, and the worst part is he isn't just a guest for 30 minutes, he sits in for the entire goddamn show and is awful from beginning to end! So, it was me vs. the noise of 100 other fuckers on my particular subway car.
9) My Tea is still way too fucking hot to drink. I take tiny little sips like a little dumbass too afraid to burn his widdle biddy tongue. Aw, poor baby.
10) I have an empty seat next to me, I desperately want a hot girl to sit next to me, vindication!, (See: Previous Blog) and there's one now, yes she sees me! She is coming toward me, oh my god a shadow had just passed over me, has the sun gone nova, what is this? Ugh, no, Christ, Susan Boyle herself sits next to me and immediately makes wheezing like breathing noises, seriously, I've heard burn victims who have an easier time breathing, she sounds like she's taken this opportunity to work on her Darth Vader impression next to me. Shit! The hot girl almost has a wounded look on her face as she sits down in the next available sit, assuredly next to some dope who won't appreciate her sex appeal. Sigh...
11) The fucking Metro. As I said earlier, I was iTouchless so I decided to read the Metro. Surely there will be an interesting story or two in there, right? Of course not, all it did was piss me off. The very first story I read was about idiots from Israel protesting the name "Swine Flu" citing that anything pig related is a very sensitive subject matter to their people. I wonder for a second if I am reading The Onion by mistake....Like, okay, I get it, you have your religious beliefs and I have my (lack of) mine. But the fucking virus comes from Pigs, amirite? It's simply the easiest term to apply to this fucking disease! In the article the guy from Israel recommends they call it "Mexican Virus" instead and immediately redeems himself in my eyes...Let's not offend us based on our fear of bacon but let's definitely piss off 100 million Mexicans.
12) I realize flipping through the Metro that I have so little in common with my fellow man and it depresses me so to really put an exclamation point on how little I have in common with everyone I take out my iTouch and start listening to.....audio extracted from episodes of Battlestar Galactica. I just enjoy listening to the sound design from these episodes. It's an absolutely lame thing to do, I know, but rest assured that I am hopefully the only person on the planet who listens to scenes from movies as audio on his iTouch. Siiiigh.
13) The subway feels very musty cause of every one's soaking wet clothing.
14) I go to the Drugstore before I get to work and they do not have the extra large packages of Real Fruit Gummies. I buy the regular sized pack like a little kid and believe me, I am totally embarressed about it!
15) The DVD case for Bride Wars is pink. Eeeeeuuuccchh.
16) I get to work about 5 minutes late and immediately begin writing this blog while talking to my friends Stacy and Kayla about this blog. Kayla asks if she will be mentioned in the blog so now I can confidently answer, yes. By the way, didn't Kayla go to Mexico recently? Patient Zero for a Toronto Swine flu outbreak, anyone? Swarm, swarm!
17) Jim Norton from the Opie and Anthony show is Twittering about Maury Povich being on the show today and I desperately want to be listening to that now and not my shitty episode from yesterday featuring Bob Kelly.
18) It's almost 10:00 AM, I have 7 hours left in my day at work (which I have spent entirely writing this drivel) and I actually feel like the worst part of my day is over. With any luck my friends with be chattering away with me on IM and the day will go by fast. This actually doesn't annoy me so it shouldn't be on this list, but whatevs. Fuck off.
19) I mentioned a Toronto swine flu outbreak as a possibility during entry 16 of this blog and fucking haaaaaaaate myself for it.
20) Stacy reads the blog at about 10:10 AM and whines like a sodding twerp that she wasn't really mentioned during this blog, even though she most clearly was during entry 16 so to shut her trap up I throw her a bone and add a 20th entry to this blog and put in as many mean spirited references to her as I can (she's a cunt, by the way) so she will read this and laugh. Did it work?
21) Yes, it did. (Which isn't really annoying, but the fact that I edited this blog for a girl is kind of annoying)
22) Coming up with separate Facebook status updates, Twitter tweets and Gmail Chat/MSN Personal messages is a fucking pain in the ass, but just posting about this blog makes it a lot easier. The fucking shit I do for you people!
23) I will spend the rest of the day hoping people message me telling me this blog was halfway decent and will be somewhat hurt (okay, really fucking emo) by people who don't mention how amazingly hilarious I am throughout the day. That is truly the most annoying part of my day and my life in general really, what a needy little cunt I am. And now even when people do say something nice I will question it, "Did they really mean that, or are they saying that because I mentioned it in Entry 23 of my blog? Hmmmm" What a conundrum I have created!
24) I've edited this thing like 7 times since I posted it, jesus.
I'm done, we're all caught up to the present now. The end, I'm punching out, hope you gleened some bit of enjoyment from this post.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Fuckway
Every time I get on the subway, there is one constant thought circulating my mind. "Fuck, I hope a hot chick sits next to me." For one thing, sitting beside a girl on the subway is basically the closest I come to intimacy with a woman these days. Now, 9 times out of 10 I get some big lug who makes me feel wafer thin. But not today, today was my lucky day.
Not one, not two, but THREE hot women sat around me on the subway. Holy shit, I felt like a Latino heartthrob oozing withs machismo.
The first girl made eye contact with me and then chose to sat closeby. She was definitely into me. She was totally my type. Thin, young, black hair, pale skin, glasses, dorky plaid pants.
The second girl sat between me and my new girlfriend immediately driving a wedge between us. She was totally my type. Thin, young, blonde hair, a little upscale, high maintenance kind of girl.
The third girl sat directly next to me, she was best described as a "hot tamale". She was totally my type. Thin, young, Latin, black hair, low cut shirt.
Now I didn't immediately begin considering which of the three girls I'd have sex with first, my first thought was "Oh good, I don't resemble an Ogre so much so that women won't sit next to me." I have to take all the small victories in my life that I can.
My second thought though was of course; "Okay, of these three cute girls, which is the one I would have sex with." But in my mind, I can't simply accept that I would just be having sex with one of them, I can't jump in my mind directly to throwing her over the TTC seat, not caring about how unpleasant that red fuzz of the TTC seats are on her knees (Just THINK about it, it'dbe itchy as hell!). No, I have to have the scenario for why these three female strangers would be inclined to have sex with me. My mind refuses to tell my penis that a woman would not just be attracted to me, and want me for the sake of having me, but instead there has to be a specific reason she doing this, call it an ulterior motive if you want. Sometimes, it's because I have a lot of money, sometimes it's I've abducted the girl's boyfriend and if she ever wants to see her boyfriend again she must mouthify my wang as I chuckle and sometimes, though very rarely, it's because the girl actually loves me (Haha, just kidding about that last one.).
Anyway, today the best scenario I could conjure up on short notice that any of these girls would have anything to do with my wiener (besides the dorky girl, she genuinely wanted The Fostar (that's my name for my penis, by the way)) was that an evil time-traveling Nazi named Barbarossa was going to hijack the specific subway car me and my ladies were on and pick me as the one to propagate a new super race of Nazi super-men (In my defense, I do have blonde hair and blue eyes, so I'm basically the prototypical male) Of course, I don't want to have to have sex with these girls (well, I do, but my scenario is layered with such thought-provoking nuance that even though I want to, I don't want to under these circumstances), but if I don't the evil Nazi will clobber them or something, I dunno, I never asked or cared in my fantasy, I think I was secretly Pro-Nazi. But I made sure to tell the girls "Don't worry, you'll enjoy this too." And then I'd wink and grin. It's at that point the girl would recoil, at that moment truly realizing what a horrifying situation she had found herself in. Even in my fantasies I'm a fucking creep, I try and keep my fantasies grounded with a hint of reality.
But like all good things, my subway romance came to an end at Spadina station. I made eye contact with the dorky girl one last time as I left the car, hopefully that she'd blurt out her MSN name or Blackberry PIN, too turned on as I lumbered out of the subway car not to say something. Somehow she had the will power to resist, she must have had a boyfriend or something, and that's cool too I guess. Good for her, seriously, I'm happy.
So at this point you're probably surprised to learn I've reached this level of patheticness (Well, I'm sure that some of you were already are well aware). To truly put things in perspective for you, picture one of those three girls, probably at work or school right now, happily having a mid-afternoon snack or texting with their boyfriend on the ole' iPhone, totally unaware of the fact that the 6'0, 220 pound dimwit who apparently had a breathing problem that they sat next to this morning has just written a note detailing his thoughts of fucking them. Poor girls.
Not one, not two, but THREE hot women sat around me on the subway. Holy shit, I felt like a Latino heartthrob oozing withs machismo.
The first girl made eye contact with me and then chose to sat closeby. She was definitely into me. She was totally my type. Thin, young, black hair, pale skin, glasses, dorky plaid pants.
The second girl sat between me and my new girlfriend immediately driving a wedge between us. She was totally my type. Thin, young, blonde hair, a little upscale, high maintenance kind of girl.
The third girl sat directly next to me, she was best described as a "hot tamale". She was totally my type. Thin, young, Latin, black hair, low cut shirt.
Now I didn't immediately begin considering which of the three girls I'd have sex with first, my first thought was "Oh good, I don't resemble an Ogre so much so that women won't sit next to me." I have to take all the small victories in my life that I can.
My second thought though was of course; "Okay, of these three cute girls, which is the one I would have sex with." But in my mind, I can't simply accept that I would just be having sex with one of them, I can't jump in my mind directly to throwing her over the TTC seat, not caring about how unpleasant that red fuzz of the TTC seats are on her knees (Just THINK about it, it'dbe itchy as hell!). No, I have to have the scenario for why these three female strangers would be inclined to have sex with me. My mind refuses to tell my penis that a woman would not just be attracted to me, and want me for the sake of having me, but instead there has to be a specific reason she doing this, call it an ulterior motive if you want. Sometimes, it's because I have a lot of money, sometimes it's I've abducted the girl's boyfriend and if she ever wants to see her boyfriend again she must mouthify my wang as I chuckle and sometimes, though very rarely, it's because the girl actually loves me (Haha, just kidding about that last one.).
Anyway, today the best scenario I could conjure up on short notice that any of these girls would have anything to do with my wiener (besides the dorky girl, she genuinely wanted The Fostar (that's my name for my penis, by the way)) was that an evil time-traveling Nazi named Barbarossa was going to hijack the specific subway car me and my ladies were on and pick me as the one to propagate a new super race of Nazi super-men (In my defense, I do have blonde hair and blue eyes, so I'm basically the prototypical male) Of course, I don't want to have to have sex with these girls (well, I do, but my scenario is layered with such thought-provoking nuance that even though I want to, I don't want to under these circumstances), but if I don't the evil Nazi will clobber them or something, I dunno, I never asked or cared in my fantasy, I think I was secretly Pro-Nazi. But I made sure to tell the girls "Don't worry, you'll enjoy this too." And then I'd wink and grin. It's at that point the girl would recoil, at that moment truly realizing what a horrifying situation she had found herself in. Even in my fantasies I'm a fucking creep, I try and keep my fantasies grounded with a hint of reality.
But like all good things, my subway romance came to an end at Spadina station. I made eye contact with the dorky girl one last time as I left the car, hopefully that she'd blurt out her MSN name or Blackberry PIN, too turned on as I lumbered out of the subway car not to say something. Somehow she had the will power to resist, she must have had a boyfriend or something, and that's cool too I guess. Good for her, seriously, I'm happy.
So at this point you're probably surprised to learn I've reached this level of patheticness (Well, I'm sure that some of you were already are well aware). To truly put things in perspective for you, picture one of those three girls, probably at work or school right now, happily having a mid-afternoon snack or texting with their boyfriend on the ole' iPhone, totally unaware of the fact that the 6'0, 220 pound dimwit who apparently had a breathing problem that they sat next to this morning has just written a note detailing his thoughts of fucking them. Poor girls.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield
Last year I had decided I wanted to go back to school.
But did I?
Nopers.
Here's the scoop. I wanted to take continuing education courses at Ryerson. My friend Lisa has attended classes there for several years and now works there so occasionally I'll visit the main building (the one next to the Eaton Centre) and it does seem like a really great place.
But I'd just missed the enrollment deadline and I sort of forgot about it by the time the fall and winter registrations rolled around. So I dropped by the Ryerson CE website today and summer registration begins on February 23. I'll be spending the next one and a half weeks deciding what to take.
I've narrowed it down to a Media program or a random History course.
Specifically, I want to begin a series of what would be 7 writing based courses that would eventually grant me a Certificate in Media Writing Fundamentals. It would take me at least a year to get, but at the end I'd have a handy dandy piece of paper showing that I am capable of writing for several different mediums including radio, animation, factual programs (docs, reality tv), comedy, etc.
As for the history course, it'd pretty much be a throw of the dice. The Fall of Rome, the Holy Crusades, The American Civil War, I don't care. I love it all.
I shouldn't make it seem like I have a Sophie's choice to make, as I've written this blog I basically convinced myself what to do, to go for the Media certificate. I was hoping writing it out would help me come to the right answer, so yay, thanks Blog!
Basically, the media courses could really help me with different employment opportunities in the future whereas the history ones are just for fun. I supposed that's really the only point worth considering. Furthermore, I might be lucky enough that my current employer Nextfilm would give me a few bucks to put towards the courses. From their point of view, cultivating a new talent? I dunno, just gimme some money!
Looking at it on the big canvas that is my life, I'd really love to get into the habit of just taking a weekly course every semester or two for the rest of my life, for example, maybe I won't take the History of the Third Reich or Gothic Horror course this summer...but definitely one day. As a lot of you know, I'm fairly anti-social, I don't go to bars (I have some wonderful friends who meet every Tuesday night just 15 minutes away and I never go cause well, I'm anti-social), I really only ever go out to movies or comedy shows so as geeky as it is, going to school part-time would probably be my best bet at meeting some great new people...that I can also ignore!
Thanks for reading!
But did I?
Nopers.
Here's the scoop. I wanted to take continuing education courses at Ryerson. My friend Lisa has attended classes there for several years and now works there so occasionally I'll visit the main building (the one next to the Eaton Centre) and it does seem like a really great place.
But I'd just missed the enrollment deadline and I sort of forgot about it by the time the fall and winter registrations rolled around. So I dropped by the Ryerson CE website today and summer registration begins on February 23. I'll be spending the next one and a half weeks deciding what to take.
I've narrowed it down to a Media program or a random History course.
Specifically, I want to begin a series of what would be 7 writing based courses that would eventually grant me a Certificate in Media Writing Fundamentals. It would take me at least a year to get, but at the end I'd have a handy dandy piece of paper showing that I am capable of writing for several different mediums including radio, animation, factual programs (docs, reality tv), comedy, etc.
As for the history course, it'd pretty much be a throw of the dice. The Fall of Rome, the Holy Crusades, The American Civil War, I don't care. I love it all.
I shouldn't make it seem like I have a Sophie's choice to make, as I've written this blog I basically convinced myself what to do, to go for the Media certificate. I was hoping writing it out would help me come to the right answer, so yay, thanks Blog!
Basically, the media courses could really help me with different employment opportunities in the future whereas the history ones are just for fun. I supposed that's really the only point worth considering. Furthermore, I might be lucky enough that my current employer Nextfilm would give me a few bucks to put towards the courses. From their point of view, cultivating a new talent? I dunno, just gimme some money!
Looking at it on the big canvas that is my life, I'd really love to get into the habit of just taking a weekly course every semester or two for the rest of my life, for example, maybe I won't take the History of the Third Reich or Gothic Horror course this summer...but definitely one day. As a lot of you know, I'm fairly anti-social, I don't go to bars (I have some wonderful friends who meet every Tuesday night just 15 minutes away and I never go cause well, I'm anti-social), I really only ever go out to movies or comedy shows so as geeky as it is, going to school part-time would probably be my best bet at meeting some great new people...that I can also ignore!
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I'm posting some of the ideas I had for posts I'd like to make, stuff I will hopefully get around to over the coming weeks. I'm not really posting this to tantalize you or tease you, "OH MY GOD, I HAVE to read Sean's World of Warcraft blog." but more to remind myself before I forget. I'm kind of a dimwit.
- Romantic Misadventures. Some thoughts about women I want to get off my chest...Mostly related to a specific girl I was spending a lot of time with until a couple of weeks ago.
- Filmography. A retrospective on my limited, unimpressive catalogue of films I've worked on.
- Screenwriting. I'd like to share some of the various ideas I've had bouncing around my head for a couple of years now for stories I'd like to write or in some cases, finally finish.
- World of Warcraft. My on again, off again relationship for over 4 years now. And it's been a love/hate relationship, with more angst than all of the real relationships I've ever been in.
- Howard Stern/Opie & Anthony, etc. My love of talk radio/podcasts and how I went from a Stern fan to an O&A pest.
- Being a Creep on Facebook/Twitter. Why I enjoy following celebrities on social networking sites.
- Movie/TV Reviews. I'd like to start posting at least a couple of thoughts on every movie or tv show I watch. I'll probably bat at a few right away and review some of the movies I've seen so far in 2009, Underworld 3, Uninvited, Unborn, various other movies that begin with "Un"
- And I'm sure more will come to mind as time goes on.
- Romantic Misadventures. Some thoughts about women I want to get off my chest...Mostly related to a specific girl I was spending a lot of time with until a couple of weeks ago.
- Filmography. A retrospective on my limited, unimpressive catalogue of films I've worked on.
- Screenwriting. I'd like to share some of the various ideas I've had bouncing around my head for a couple of years now for stories I'd like to write or in some cases, finally finish.
- World of Warcraft. My on again, off again relationship for over 4 years now. And it's been a love/hate relationship, with more angst than all of the real relationships I've ever been in.
- Howard Stern/Opie & Anthony, etc. My love of talk radio/podcasts and how I went from a Stern fan to an O&A pest.
- Being a Creep on Facebook/Twitter. Why I enjoy following celebrities on social networking sites.
- Movie/TV Reviews. I'd like to start posting at least a couple of thoughts on every movie or tv show I watch. I'll probably bat at a few right away and review some of the movies I've seen so far in 2009, Underworld 3, Uninvited, Unborn, various other movies that begin with "Un"
- And I'm sure more will come to mind as time goes on.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Worth thinking about
I'm thinking of starting my own little blog, just a daily rant, thought or cheeky observation. I don't want to bother everyone on Facebook with this stuff, I don't want to be the douche who writes who posts a new note everyday so I'd like to make it my own private corner, you have to be somewhat amused by my particular brand of bullshit to come here. If you drop by and don't like what I've written, just don't come back!
It's been fun being more expressive on Twitter with what I am up to and what I am thinking, so I thought I'd come here and do a bit more of that.
I have no alluisions, I don't expect lots of comments or anything. I just want to have a forum to get thoughts off my chest and have a bit more freedom than the 140 characters Twitter allows you.
No punny little name for the blog, just Sean Foster cause that will me the main attraction here. Just my musings and other assorted bullshit.
It's been fun being more expressive on Twitter with what I am up to and what I am thinking, so I thought I'd come here and do a bit more of that.
I have no alluisions, I don't expect lots of comments or anything. I just want to have a forum to get thoughts off my chest and have a bit more freedom than the 140 characters Twitter allows you.
No punny little name for the blog, just Sean Foster cause that will me the main attraction here. Just my musings and other assorted bullshit.
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